Regret

It's something I always say I don't want to have, but I feel like I have a lot of it. It occurs mostly at the end of a day when I wonder why I felt or acted the way I did. I say to myself that I need to do better the next day, but I often fail. It's A shame that I didn't enjoy today more than I did. It was Ellie's "family party". I spent so much of my mental and physical energy anticipating the negative. I hate that I do that, but it's what I do. Part of it is that I'm not a good hostess. I just know Ellie only turns 5 once.